“That’s When I Knew”: Ex-Members Describe the Moment They Realized Their Religious Communities Were Cults

Content warning: This article contains accounts of spiritual abuse, coercive control, shunning, and references to sexual assault.

This article collects firsthand accounts from former members of tightly controlled religious communities who describe the exact moment they recognized the environment was harmful. Contributors — many anonymous or identified only by usernames — describe patterns of manipulation, public shaming, forced conversion attempts, apocalyptic teachings, and tightly enforced social rules that made leaving difficult.

Common Red Flags Seen by Former Members

Exorcisms and Demonization — One contributor from Ohio recalled being accused of demonic activity after asking questions. Because they were openly bisexual, leaders encouraged the family to send them to a conversion program and warned the parents about ‘‘demon activity.’p>

One 31-year-old wrote that leaders told her to repent and warned her mother to watch for demonic activity. Her family enforced rapture drills during childhood and later expelled her mother for the husband's infidelity.

Public Shaming and Social Exile — Several respondents recalled sermons that mocked specific people or rituals designed to humiliate. After leaving, many experienced social cutting-off from friends who remained in the group.

A witness described a sermon mocking the person ‘‘hanging out with other people,’’ leaving the target humiliated as the congregation laughed. After they stopped attending, some so-called friends stopped speaking to them.

Ritualized Behavior and Performative Miracles — Witnesses described intense, theatrical services: mass crying and then laughing, staged miracle claims, and rituals at bonfires that felt coercive rather than spiritual.

A former attendee recalled people collapsing into sobs, then dancing and laughing moments later, and leaders claiming miracles such as a child suddenly growing taller or water ‘‘tasting like wine.’p>

Control of Daily Life and Labor — Families who lived at organizational training centers reported strict surveillance, limited incoming and outgoing items, and effectively unpaid labor in exchange for room and board.

Theology That Dehumanizes Outsiders — Some groups taught that nearly all non-members would perish at Armageddon, a belief that drove fear and isolated members from the wider world. For many, working alongside non-members proved that the teaching was morally untenable.

Questions and Research Discouraged — Several people described being told never to read critical material. Researching outside sources often precipitated a full reassessment and, for many, eventual departure.

Voices From the Accounts

These edited excerpts reflect the range of experiences contributors reported:

‘‘They told my mom to watch out for demon activity in me. My mom attempted to send me to a conversion program. Years after I left, they kicked my mom out for her husband’s infidelity, blaming her for his actions.’’ — Anonymous, 31, Ohio

‘‘We were marched to a bonfire, made to lie down in a field while leaders chanted over a microphone. It felt like a ceremony meant to intimidate more than comfort.’’ — Former Attendee

‘‘They taught that over 99.9% of the world would die at Armageddon for not being members. After working with kind, intelligent non-members, that doctrine stopped making sense to me.’’ — Former Member

Many contributors also raise theological and ethical questions that pushed them away, such as why repentance is required if Christ has already atoned for sins, or the traumatic effect of clergy who publicly excused or minimized instances of sexual violence.

After Leaving

Common next steps included seeking therapy, finding new communities (sometimes with the help of strangers or members of other faiths), and researching the group’s history and leadership. Several respondents emphasized how isolating it was to be shunned by former friends and family and how important external resources were to recovery.

Responses have been edited for length and clarity. Source: compilation originally published on BuzzFeed.