How to Save Thanksgiving: A Former Cult Member’s Guide to Reconnecting with MAGA Relatives

As families prepare for Thanksgiving, deep political divisions that intensified during the Trump era continue to strain relationships. Dr. Steven Hassan, a mental health counselor, author of The Cult of Trump, and a former member of the Unification Church, says there are practical, humane steps people can take to reconnect with relatives who identify as MAGA.

Hassan draws on his own experience of being groomed for leadership in a high-control religious movement in the 1970s before leaving that group. From that perspective, he sees parallels between the social dynamics of authoritarian groups and the information ecosystems that can insulate and radicalize political followers.

Rather than writing estranged relatives off, Hassan recommends learning how authoritarian and high-control groups affect thinking and relationships. That understanding can change how you approach conversations and set realistic expectations for rebuilding ties.

Practical steps to reconnect

1. Reach out first and be sincere. Start with a short, nonjudgmental message saying you miss them and would like to reconnect. Avoid rehashing political arguments in that first outreach.

2. Offer an apology when appropriate. Hassan suggests saying something like, “I’m sorry for things said or done that hurt you. I’d like a fresh start.” A sincere apology can open doors that anger shuts.

3. Set clear boundaries for gatherings. Propose agreements such as avoiding politics at the dinner table. Make the focus on family, shared memories, and immediate reconnecting rather than persuasion.

4. Avoid direct attacks on group leaders or ideology. Attacking a leader or the person’s political identity can trigger a defensive group identity and deepen isolation rather than prompt reflection.

5. Listen more than you speak. Ask open questions and let the person feel heard. Listening builds trust and reduces the need to defend.

6. Be patient and maintain boundaries. Change often takes time. If a relationship remains harmful, protect yourself and others by limiting contact or seeking support.

7. Seek outside help when necessary. If estrangement involves deeper psychological or safety issues, consider family counseling or professional guidance from clinicians experienced with high-control groups.

“To the best of your ability, be as sincere as possible and say I want a redo or I want a reboot, and I’m sorry for things said and done, but we’re family, and let’s be together,” Hassan advised.

What the research shows

Independent analyses found that political polarization has already changed holiday interactions: after the 2016 election, Thanksgiving visits were significantly shorter in many cases, with people spending notably less time with relatives who voted differently. More recent surveys indicate that about half of adults report estrangement from close relatives, and politics is a leading cause in a substantial share of those ruptures.

Hassan emphasizes that reconciliation is possible but usually requires humility, consistent outreach, and a focus on shared human connections rather than ideological victory. He also notes that some people will not be ready to reconnect; in those cases, protecting your own wellbeing is appropriate.

Whether you invite a relative to Thanksgiving dinner, send a short note, or simply lower the temperature around family interactions, Hassan’s advice centers on empathy, boundaries, and patience as the clearest path toward repairing strained relationships.